Evening Ponderings

I recently read a quote that many Christians may know, " If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." And for whatever reason, as I sit in my bed on a Thursday night, I feel like that quote is just wrong. I understand where it is coming from but I don't think that's what God does at all.

No new news to anyone I have been thinking about my relationship with God and a lot of the mistakes I have made along the way and it has been quite refreshing to get to know Him again. I mean really know him though its a process. I find that as a girl who has had plans, hopes and dreams come, go or get crushed, God doesn't relish in my disappointment. When my plans fail, I think He mourns with me. When my heart hurts, I think He hurts to in someway. And as a feeble human I would feel so utterly terrible at the thought that the God of the universe would laugh when I hurt. Good thing scripture tells us that God is near to the brokenhearted.

I think God's plans for us are better than what we have for ourselves, though we may not see or feel it in the moment. At least that is what I have to keep telling myself cause there are days when i feel like i screwed up the life i thought i was supposed to have. But I have to trust that where my plan fails His plan prevails in my life.

In short as I live through and face one of my biggest regrets and hurdles to this date, I know that God is for me, not against me. And i certainly don't believe He is laughing at me while I break. He's in the boat, ready to catch me when i sink.

You may never hit a lady, but you're willing to break her heart

Yeah....so scratch my previous post.

The proverbial story of my life.... boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy seems interested, girl is willing to give it a chance, boy goes away for a little while...boy comes back with a insta-girlfriend. Obviously boy sucks eggs or girl is just stupid for thinking maybe.

Though when this all started a few weeks back I didn't even want to give a thought of what could be, i think when i opened myself up to to the idea i let in more hope than i thought. Which means...probability for greater disappointment and another mess i landed myself in. It was a big step for me after feeling like you may never care for someone again, so i was willing to give it a go but maybe not.

But more than unlikely I was in the wrong. Took things for what they weren't again...I got myself hurt again. I took someone who could have just been overly nice and placed them in the maybe he likes me category. He honestly he could have, but i don't chase men, im a lady and maybe he wasn't looking for that. Maybe i was just beat to the punch, who knows...God only knows. Maybe i was even spared yet again (though im starting to feel like that is an excuse to make me feel better about the crap that happens)

All I know, long story short things seemed one way, apparently they are another, i allowed myself to feel for someone after getting the worst break of my life...and though i was refined through flames that first time apparently i need to go through it again.