One Step at a Time

Is funny how you realize when you slow down you see the amazingness that is God working in your life.

Last week I was dealt a pretty low blow when I found out that I was denied for the adavanced standing graduate program at my school. I know my idenity in Christ is not wrapped in my academic acheivements, however I would be lying if I didn't say its part of how I see myself. At the time I felt like a failure and that I didn't try hard enough to meet the GPA requirement (3.25, and I have a 3.07 cumulative GPA as of last semester). I was so upset and confused that I did the one thing that I know you shouldn't- not talk to God about it. I clammed up and refused to think that he could care about what I was going through in the moment but boy was I wrong. I rean across a co-worker who had a 3.68 GPA but because of the way they adveraged out your GPAs from the differnt schools you attended it dropped her below the requirement. We wrote letters and talked to administration about the admission process and what we could do to appeal but it was no use. Seeing someone who I felt truely deserved to get into the program more than I did really put things into persective for me. I started to realize that even though I didn't get what I wanted, maybe God said No to this because he was saying Yes to something else. If I get accepted into the regular graduate program I will be able to enjoy and work over the summer and save for things I would need in my role as a future case manager for my company. I also don't know if God is also positioning things because there may be more facets to my personal life.
I have to remind myself to trust God and that he does have plans for my good even in the dark places. And He has been amazing at replacing my pain with a joy like no other over what may come this summer.

I have also come to find that my grandparent might be thinking about moving out here as well, which will be an amazing blessing so that I will be able to spend more time with them. My aunt who was going to move back home to Cincinnati also says that if they do move out here then she will stay out here cause there safety in their older age was a concern for her. My grandmother will be visiting this summer so we will see what happens in that area.

These things may seem small but I will say that Im so amazed at seeing God work in my life right now and can't wait to spend a whole other vacation time with Him. Hopefully this time won't result in breaking anything :)

March Madness!!!!

This semester is going by faster than any of the other ones in the past. There are so many project and deadlines- once again I wonder how I am supposed to get it all done. But slow and steady wins the race so it will all be good in the end. Only one thing truly looms over my head- I will be a college graduate in 58 days.

It seems like so many people get to graduation, want it over with and can easily move on with life. Though I have some sort of path mapped out I'm still wondering what the heck is going on in my life. I haven't even begun to process the fact that I'm hitting a major milestone in my life that changes so many things about me. All I know is that May is quickly approaching and my heart is filling with excitement and some sort of dread of whats next to come.

While I can't put a full name to my emotions, I am happy to discover that I still have dreams that I want to fulfill. I have seen so many friends give up their dreams due to circumstances that life has thrown them. While the sacrifice might be worth it, is it really selfish to want to deal with life and have your dreams come true? I hope not cause I intend to live my life fully- though I may not know where that may lead me.

No matter which way I turn it seems like I'm facing a precepace of life, the only decision I need to make is which direction do I leap from :)

Be My Valentine

I love Valentine's Day

It may come as no surprise but I really do. I love the chocolates, the flowers, the stuffed animals and even the cheesy hallmark cards. And I know all the little notions about how its just a corporate gimmick to capitalize on obligating people to show their feelings and making singles feel inadequate. I mean i get it and feel it at times. But truthfully I like that there is a day dedicated to love cause though we say things like, " Show the ones you love you love them everyday" how often do we really do it, honestly? I agree with the thought of not doing something cause you feel obligated to do it- but I like doing something cause you want to do it.

But sometimes the love of this holiday is bittersweet for me, why? Cause I have honestly never had a "valentine" Over two decades and not a one. Sure there have been people that I wished could be, but its never worked out that way. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me sad sometimes, but its just what I have been dealt thus far. However, in place of romantic love, I have the love of my family, friends and my Lord. So I try to not focus on what I don't have and then on what I do.

I wish everyone out there a Happy Valentine's Day. For those who are lucky enough to share it with someone- hold them close to your heart and allow them to know how much they truly mean to you. For those alone- remember you aren't alone, and have just as much to be thankful if you look deep enough, and maybe one day you will experience a love better than what you will ever find in books, movies or magazines.

So keep a look out and know that more times than not, there is more than one person out there who loves you but just haven't had a chance to express it yet.

New Light

I truely have been blessed.

There are many things in my life that I am thankful for but the one thing I have been greatful for is how I have seen God molding my life. I have noticed so many changes since the winter break and it blows my mind cause its only been like 3 months.

I'm realizing more and more who I am as a person and Im really liking who that is. Its a big switch for me cause I come from a not so distant past of self esteem issues that effected how I others and myself. But now I feel like I can't afford to be a shrinking violet in my life.

I'm happy to realize that I'm a woman of power and with a mission in life. I know what I want and how to go and get it. Maybe its cause im about to graduate and feel a sense of a complishment. Maybe its cause I got a little taste of sucess at my job * And I know that I'm good at it, thank you!!! * Either way it goes I firmly know that Im a strong woman, living life with my God :)

2010 bout to begin! Suck it!

2010 Rang in with a bang for me with new goals and adventures that waited just around the corner. I recently got hired at the site where I last did my practicum and by the sheer grace of God I was able to gain a working position doing most of what I love. Little did I know that all the time I was hustling and trying to scrap the the streets for a job, the Lord was using my circumstances in order to create a position for me there. I now have the foot in the door in my field and my hope is that the only place I can go from here is up- becoming a actual case manager.

This semester I'm going to FINALLY be graduating!! Thank goodness....after taking a semester off and switching my major. But though I will be getting my diploma, a students work is never done because I will be turning in my applications for grad school- headed straight for the Masters program. And if im lucky i might get into the advanced standing program where I only have to do 42 credits instead of 60. woot!

I will be getting my license- both the driving license ( Hey my mom doesn't have her's so I'm good!!) and my License to practice social work here in Nevada. But I'm freaking out cause you only get to take the test twice aftet that you can only take if you get another degree :( And for the most part people only pass with like a 75% so its kind of a big, flippin deal.

And to top it all off my church has been doing a 21 day fast in which God has been talking to me in some crazy ways. Now when it comes to fasting, I'm usually very private about what and when I do. I also don't talk about it unless I feel led to because I truely feel a fast is to be between yourself and God; a private time of cosecration to hear from one another. Now I'm not holier than holy or none of that cause to be honest- fasting is the hardest thing for me to do cause I hate giving anything up even if its for the Lord sadly, but this time that we have spent together has been really good. And most of my time I spent praying for more people than myself- which is good, but not what i had in mind.

Just looking back from the last time I wrote anything in the blog I see how God has worked in me. And I just want to say for anyone who has put up with glancing at this blog- Man I was a drama queen and sorry you had to deal with it!! Don't get me wrong cause the best way to see where you are going is to look where you have been, but at the same time you have to laugh at yourself along the way in order to grow. And boy was I on one. Lately God has just been showing me that He is faithful many times over and that I'm ok- so I need to stop trippin. I may not have everything that I want but I'm right where I need to be and have all that I need. I have been learning to let somethings go and to let God handle the rest. And I know for certain that he will do just that. I have also learned that our God is just hilarious and will pull some crazy stuff.

So from now on, I'm revamping this blog and moving forward. I hope to add more joy to this page and just be myself. When you start living for others or some ideal of who you want to be rather than who you are- life sucks. So throw it a tootsie pop and tell it to suck on that!

*FYI: When you go to the bathroom you are supposed to wash your hands for more that 5 secs- WITH SOAP- otherwise you're just NASTY!