Thursday, March 25, 2010

One Step at a Time


Is funny how you realize when you slow down you see the amazingness that is God working in your life.

Last week I was dealt a pretty low blow when I found out that I was denied for the adavanced standing graduate program at my school. I know my idenity in Christ is not wrapped in my academic acheivements, however I would be lying if I didn't say its part of how I see myself. At the time I felt like a failure and that I didn't try hard enough to meet the GPA requirement (3.25, and I have a 3.07 cumulative GPA as of last semester). I was so upset and confused that I did the one thing that I know you shouldn't- not talk to God about it. I clammed up and refused to think that he could care about what I was going through in the moment but boy was I wrong. I rean across a co-worker who had a 3.68 GPA but because of the way they adveraged out your GPAs from the differnt schools you attended it dropped her below the requirement. We wrote letters and talked to administration about the admission process and what we could do to appeal but it was no use. Seeing someone who I felt truely deserved to get into the program more than I did really put things into persective for me. I started to realize that even though I didn't get what I wanted, maybe God said No to this because he was saying Yes to something else. If I get accepted into the regular graduate program I will be able to enjoy and work over the summer and save for things I would need in my role as a future case manager for my company. I also don't know if God is also positioning things because there may be more facets to my personal life.
I have to remind myself to trust God and that he does have plans for my good even in the dark places. And He has been amazing at replacing my pain with a joy like no other over what may come this summer.

I have also come to find that my grandparent might be thinking about moving out here as well, which will be an amazing blessing so that I will be able to spend more time with them. My aunt who was going to move back home to Cincinnati also says that if they do move out here then she will stay out here cause there safety in their older age was a concern for her. My grandmother will be visiting this summer so we will see what happens in that area.

These things may seem small but I will say that Im so amazed at seeing God work in my life right now and can't wait to spend a whole other vacation time with Him. Hopefully this time won't result in breaking anything :)

Saturday, March 13, 2010

March Madness!!!!

This semester is going by faster than any of the other ones in the past. There are so many project and deadlines- once again I wonder how I am supposed to get it all done. But slow and steady wins the race so it will all be good in the end. Only one thing truly looms over my head- I will be a college graduate in 58 days.

It seems like so many people get to graduation, want it over with and can easily move on with life. Though I have some sort of path mapped out I'm still wondering what the heck is going on in my life. I haven't even begun to process the fact that I'm hitting a major milestone in my life that changes so many things about me. All I know is that May is quickly approaching and my heart is filling with excitement and some sort of dread of whats next to come.

While I can't put a full name to my emotions, I am happy to discover that I still have dreams that I want to fulfill. I have seen so many friends give up their dreams due to circumstances that life has thrown them. While the sacrifice might be worth it, is it really selfish to want to deal with life and have your dreams come true? I hope not cause I intend to live my life fully- though I may not know where that may lead me.

No matter which way I turn it seems like I'm facing a precepace of life, the only decision I need to make is which direction do I leap from :)