Birthday, Birthday Birthday!!

25....wow.

I officially turned a quarter of a century today. Not that I didn't expect to make it this far in life but I am reminded of how any day when you wake up its a blessing- cause tomorrow is never promised to us.

And though it may not mean cause its so easy to click a button, i was so shocked to see that over 50 people said a happy birthday to me on Facebook :) I guess I'm an overly sentimental gal, but I was touched to see many hard felt jokes, messages and even just a plain happy birthday. In this day and age where we are so disconnected and isolated from everyone- only letting the select few into our circles- its the least thing we can do for someone who has crossed our paths, after all why shouldn't we all celebrate a day when one of our brothers or sisters came into the world?

I really love to celebrate birthdays- mine or someone else's. I'm one of those people who thinks its a pretty big deal that someone made it to another year, cause there are plenty of people who actually don't. Preferably, there should be cake, people, and a whole lot of joy. No matter how you like to spend it- it should be how that person wants it to be - at least within reason.

For myself? I decided on making it a 3 day affair and sharing it with some people who have been dear to me.

Day One, A few of my wonderful girl friends and I took to a night on the town, getting all gussied up and dining finely at the Olive Garden. I LOVE the Olive Garden. I mean it may not be the best Italian food in the world but for whatever reason it is the best to me! I ate what I wanted- without worrying about the calories, mind you- and had a Salad, the main entrée AND dessert (usually i'm so full I never make it there but thats why they invented lovely take-out boxes )! After dinner, we went to see the Lion King since none of us had ever seen it before. We had always mean meaning to go and a friend of mine went on her birthday so I though it was a pretty great Idea. The show was AMAZING!!! I so loved it and would love to go and see it again some time... I'm thinking of taking my mom :)

Day Two, My Actual Birthday, I woke up early enough this morning all excited since I took the day off. My mommy made me my favorite breakfast ( her French Toast) and I did nothing but lounge around in my pjs ALL day. The most I have done thus far is watch Annie cause i really like it and I hadn't seen it in a while.

Day Three, to be determined.... Well when that day comes in the future we will see what happens :)

All in all I think i had a pretty great birthday, there are only 2 things that can make it better- eating my cake and hearing back from the voice I miss the most :)

New Year, New Heart

Its been quite some time since I have updated my blog, but now that I have a brand spanking new laptop in my clutches I hope not to be so neglectful :)

2011 came here so fast and I wasn't ready for it but I guess you have to learn to be. We have been going through a new series at church about rebooting ourselves for the new year and seeing in what direction our lives are heading. I would like to think I'm always the one who likes to be all wax poetic and reflective on my life but thats all a front for whats really going on inside. The truth is no one really likes to sit with their self and really find out the stuff thats wrong, the stuff that needs to change, or just facing who we have become and seeing who we want to be.

But thats all got to change

Looking over the last year I realize how blessed I truly have been. God rose up a really great group of friends when i was close to feeling abandoned. God allowed me to spend some wonderful time with my best friend/ roommate for a 1 1/2 yrs. and though it ended on some crazy terms I still love her and cherish the learning experience that erupted. I learned more about what faith looks like, what love looks like, and a lot of what it looks like to be your self and have some fun. But also on the same token I see how I have let doubt creep in, and just ultimately not caring for myself and becoming unhealthy- inside and out. I also realize even more how much i need the Grace that Jesus gives and learn how to forgive myself.

SO as this year is beginning I'm saying good bye to yesterday and hello to the bright possibilities that lie in front of me. 2011 I'm coming for you and its going to be a great story to tell!!!

One Step at a Time

Is funny how you realize when you slow down you see the amazingness that is God working in your life.

Last week I was dealt a pretty low blow when I found out that I was denied for the adavanced standing graduate program at my school. I know my idenity in Christ is not wrapped in my academic acheivements, however I would be lying if I didn't say its part of how I see myself. At the time I felt like a failure and that I didn't try hard enough to meet the GPA requirement (3.25, and I have a 3.07 cumulative GPA as of last semester). I was so upset and confused that I did the one thing that I know you shouldn't- not talk to God about it. I clammed up and refused to think that he could care about what I was going through in the moment but boy was I wrong. I rean across a co-worker who had a 3.68 GPA but because of the way they adveraged out your GPAs from the differnt schools you attended it dropped her below the requirement. We wrote letters and talked to administration about the admission process and what we could do to appeal but it was no use. Seeing someone who I felt truely deserved to get into the program more than I did really put things into persective for me. I started to realize that even though I didn't get what I wanted, maybe God said No to this because he was saying Yes to something else. If I get accepted into the regular graduate program I will be able to enjoy and work over the summer and save for things I would need in my role as a future case manager for my company. I also don't know if God is also positioning things because there may be more facets to my personal life.
I have to remind myself to trust God and that he does have plans for my good even in the dark places. And He has been amazing at replacing my pain with a joy like no other over what may come this summer.

I have also come to find that my grandparent might be thinking about moving out here as well, which will be an amazing blessing so that I will be able to spend more time with them. My aunt who was going to move back home to Cincinnati also says that if they do move out here then she will stay out here cause there safety in their older age was a concern for her. My grandmother will be visiting this summer so we will see what happens in that area.

These things may seem small but I will say that Im so amazed at seeing God work in my life right now and can't wait to spend a whole other vacation time with Him. Hopefully this time won't result in breaking anything :)

March Madness!!!!

This semester is going by faster than any of the other ones in the past. There are so many project and deadlines- once again I wonder how I am supposed to get it all done. But slow and steady wins the race so it will all be good in the end. Only one thing truly looms over my head- I will be a college graduate in 58 days.

It seems like so many people get to graduation, want it over with and can easily move on with life. Though I have some sort of path mapped out I'm still wondering what the heck is going on in my life. I haven't even begun to process the fact that I'm hitting a major milestone in my life that changes so many things about me. All I know is that May is quickly approaching and my heart is filling with excitement and some sort of dread of whats next to come.

While I can't put a full name to my emotions, I am happy to discover that I still have dreams that I want to fulfill. I have seen so many friends give up their dreams due to circumstances that life has thrown them. While the sacrifice might be worth it, is it really selfish to want to deal with life and have your dreams come true? I hope not cause I intend to live my life fully- though I may not know where that may lead me.

No matter which way I turn it seems like I'm facing a precepace of life, the only decision I need to make is which direction do I leap from :)

Be My Valentine

I love Valentine's Day

It may come as no surprise but I really do. I love the chocolates, the flowers, the stuffed animals and even the cheesy hallmark cards. And I know all the little notions about how its just a corporate gimmick to capitalize on obligating people to show their feelings and making singles feel inadequate. I mean i get it and feel it at times. But truthfully I like that there is a day dedicated to love cause though we say things like, " Show the ones you love you love them everyday" how often do we really do it, honestly? I agree with the thought of not doing something cause you feel obligated to do it- but I like doing something cause you want to do it.

But sometimes the love of this holiday is bittersweet for me, why? Cause I have honestly never had a "valentine" Over two decades and not a one. Sure there have been people that I wished could be, but its never worked out that way. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me sad sometimes, but its just what I have been dealt thus far. However, in place of romantic love, I have the love of my family, friends and my Lord. So I try to not focus on what I don't have and then on what I do.

I wish everyone out there a Happy Valentine's Day. For those who are lucky enough to share it with someone- hold them close to your heart and allow them to know how much they truly mean to you. For those alone- remember you aren't alone, and have just as much to be thankful if you look deep enough, and maybe one day you will experience a love better than what you will ever find in books, movies or magazines.

So keep a look out and know that more times than not, there is more than one person out there who loves you but just haven't had a chance to express it yet.

New Light

I truely have been blessed.

There are many things in my life that I am thankful for but the one thing I have been greatful for is how I have seen God molding my life. I have noticed so many changes since the winter break and it blows my mind cause its only been like 3 months.

I'm realizing more and more who I am as a person and Im really liking who that is. Its a big switch for me cause I come from a not so distant past of self esteem issues that effected how I others and myself. But now I feel like I can't afford to be a shrinking violet in my life.

I'm happy to realize that I'm a woman of power and with a mission in life. I know what I want and how to go and get it. Maybe its cause im about to graduate and feel a sense of a complishment. Maybe its cause I got a little taste of sucess at my job * And I know that I'm good at it, thank you!!! * Either way it goes I firmly know that Im a strong woman, living life with my God :)

2010 bout to begin! Suck it!

2010 Rang in with a bang for me with new goals and adventures that waited just around the corner. I recently got hired at the site where I last did my practicum and by the sheer grace of God I was able to gain a working position doing most of what I love. Little did I know that all the time I was hustling and trying to scrap the the streets for a job, the Lord was using my circumstances in order to create a position for me there. I now have the foot in the door in my field and my hope is that the only place I can go from here is up- becoming a actual case manager.

This semester I'm going to FINALLY be graduating!! Thank goodness....after taking a semester off and switching my major. But though I will be getting my diploma, a students work is never done because I will be turning in my applications for grad school- headed straight for the Masters program. And if im lucky i might get into the advanced standing program where I only have to do 42 credits instead of 60. woot!

I will be getting my license- both the driving license ( Hey my mom doesn't have her's so I'm good!!) and my License to practice social work here in Nevada. But I'm freaking out cause you only get to take the test twice aftet that you can only take if you get another degree :( And for the most part people only pass with like a 75% so its kind of a big, flippin deal.

And to top it all off my church has been doing a 21 day fast in which God has been talking to me in some crazy ways. Now when it comes to fasting, I'm usually very private about what and when I do. I also don't talk about it unless I feel led to because I truely feel a fast is to be between yourself and God; a private time of cosecration to hear from one another. Now I'm not holier than holy or none of that cause to be honest- fasting is the hardest thing for me to do cause I hate giving anything up even if its for the Lord sadly, but this time that we have spent together has been really good. And most of my time I spent praying for more people than myself- which is good, but not what i had in mind.

Just looking back from the last time I wrote anything in the blog I see how God has worked in me. And I just want to say for anyone who has put up with glancing at this blog- Man I was a drama queen and sorry you had to deal with it!! Don't get me wrong cause the best way to see where you are going is to look where you have been, but at the same time you have to laugh at yourself along the way in order to grow. And boy was I on one. Lately God has just been showing me that He is faithful many times over and that I'm ok- so I need to stop trippin. I may not have everything that I want but I'm right where I need to be and have all that I need. I have been learning to let somethings go and to let God handle the rest. And I know for certain that he will do just that. I have also learned that our God is just hilarious and will pull some crazy stuff.

So from now on, I'm revamping this blog and moving forward. I hope to add more joy to this page and just be myself. When you start living for others or some ideal of who you want to be rather than who you are- life sucks. So throw it a tootsie pop and tell it to suck on that!

*FYI: When you go to the bathroom you are supposed to wash your hands for more that 5 secs- WITH SOAP- otherwise you're just NASTY!