But if anyone knows me they will come to find i can be a glutton for punishment in ways so here we go!!
If nothing there are 3 things I learned this summer.
1. A heart doesn't break clean, the more fragile ones tend to shatter
2. Surprisingly enough there is love after the heart break
3. God apparently knows you better than yourself
Michael Buble sang a song called Haven't Met You Yet and in it there is a line where he says
"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down"
Story of my life.
Whether it be bad timing,the wrong person, social awkwardness, or any combination of the 3, romance just hasn't panned out for me. And it also doesn't help to be the type of person that pines from afar either... And I believed in truth I have been doing what God has wanted me to do. Wait on Him, trust him, put my faith in him and He will bring someone at the appointed time. However in my ever not-so secret heart I never want to wait! I always want to chase, even though im super sappy and have this big issue that men should actively pursue a girl they are interested in. I guess on my time table they just aren't doing it fast enough * shrugs* and since i'm so time efficient the show needs to get on the road.But barreling through the mechanics of a relationship may not be the best option, especially if you want it to be functional at the end of the day.
SO fast forward through 25 years or madness and growth and we get to the summer of 2011. I realized that sometimes that when you fall for someone there is always an edge of a chasm our hearts dance around, 1 inch closer to life and 1 inch closer to death. There's always a 50/50 chance. And sometimes even when you know what side of the 50 you're on you still can't help but to let the dance go on, pretending you gave it up a long time ago; but never stepping away from danger. Instead life pushes you in the back and the next thing you know you hit the chasm floor, shocked and stunned; unsure if you can get up or even if you ever want to get up and feel again. The numb becomes the new normal and you aren't really sure how to get back from whence you came. Not a fun feeling at all.
But then after a little while, God reminds you that He is the healer of broken hearts and what can man do to us if He is for us? He reminded me that the heart I thought was beyond repair was actually alive and well; getting healthier and stronger everyday. He reminded me of Hope and that He has a greater plan for me that what I may have had for myself. All revealed in the beautiful teal eyes of a stranger ( that was also ripped too boot, might i add :3)
Then the biggest shock of all, God brings along someone new. Even newer than Mr.Teal. Totally unexpected...and totally not what I was looking for. Someone who doesn't fit my idea of anyone at all. But the more shocking thing is that this person is so intriguing and for the first time in a long time I feel i can truly be myself. After many years of telling God what I want, I'm finally getting an opportunity to see what He may want for me. What you want at a time and what you need at a time can be 2 very different things. I have no idea what could happen or really even kno wht it may come of it all but what I do know is that God shocks me by knowing better than I know myself.
So the great pursuit may have found me after all, who knew? Oh right. God :)
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